The Power of the Witch - Part 1

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Happy Friday, friends! I’m going to preface what is to follow with trigger warning about themes around childhood abuse and trauma. The reason I’m talking about these topics in today’s Substack is… well, Hekate. She’s wants to teach those of us in trauma recovery how to take our power back.

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Some of you may recall that we discussed ‘Witchcraft as a path to trauma recovery’ in a previous edition of the Angelorum Substack. I have been pondering what that means in practical terms for my own life and taking my power back. Because I have so much to share about this, there will be a follow-up post next week where I’ll share more about the specifics in terms of the Craft and becoming a truly powerful witch.

Since I started working with Hekate again, a couple of weeks ago, she has been gradually guiding me back to my power. Like so many childhood trauma and abuse survivors, one of my main handicaps in life is an at times all-pervasive sense of powerlessness, often shrouded in corpse-like apathy wishing for nothing less than death to come and steal me away from it all. Yet, in spite of my lived experience, I know that deep down, the seed of limitless power lies within me.

But first, let’s look at why powerlessness and apathy are so common in trauma survivors.

Powerlessness and Apathy in Childhood Abuse and Trauma Survivors

Feelings of powerlessness and apathy can stem from the traumatic experiences which may have stripped us of our sense of control and agency.

Understanding Powerlessness and Apathy

• Loss of Control: Traumatic experiences can lead to a feeling of having been powerless to prevent or stop the abuse. This can create a deep-seated belief that we have no control over our circumstances. Growing up, I was literally told that my will didn’t matter by my physically and emotionally abusive caretaker. My other caretaker left me when I was three years old and I had only sporadic contact with them after that.

• Emotional Numbness: As a coping mechanism, many of us develop emotional numbness or detachment, which can manifest as apathy or a lack of interest in life. For me, this meant spending a lot of time outside my body in various states of dissociation. When I learned to read, I chose to engage with books rather than socialise. I didn’t know how to make friends and still struggle with this.

• Shame and Guilt: Many of us internalise blame for the abuse, leading to feelings of toxic shame and guilt that can contribute to a sense of powerlessness.

• Fear of Reliving Trauma: We may avoid certain situations or activities out of fear of triggering painful memories, which can limit our sense of agency and freedom.

Coping with Powerlessness and Apathy

Overcoming these feelings can be challenging and does not include any overnight fixes, but it is possible. Here are some strategies that can help:

• Therapy: Seeking professional help from a therapist who specialises in trauma can provide valuable support and guidance. Therapy can help us process our experiences, develop coping skills, and rebuild their sense of self. However, I have experienced the limitations of therapy for myself. It can only take me so far. For me personally, I’m counting on witchcraft to take me the rest of the way in terms of reclaiming my power.

• Support Groups: Connecting with other survivors in a support group can provide a sense of community and understanding. Sharing experiences with others who have been through similar traumas can help reduce feelings of isolation and shame. However, we are not all suited for group therapy. As someone on the autism spectrum, I found it had a more negative than positive impact.

• Mindfulness and Meditation: Mindfulness and meditation can help survivors manage their emotions, reduce stress, and increase their sense of control. These practices can help individuals become more present and aware of their thoughts and feelings. Those of us with ADHD may benefit more from somatic exercise, yoga and qigong rather than sitting meditation. (By the way, it’s common for trauma survivors to have ADHD or ADHD-like symptoms.)

• Healthy Lifestyle: Engaging in regular physical activity, eating a balanced diet, and getting enough sleep can improve overall well-being and reduce feelings of hopelessness. I can’t emphasise the importance of this enough. We have to learn to care for and nurture ourselves even if we didn’t receive proper care as children. Sleep is usually the biggest pitfall for CPTSD-sufferers. Be patient with yourself and now that the key is to regulate/rewire your central nervous system. This take time but it can be done. Personally, I find that starting the day with a cold shower really helps me to kick the day off in a balanced/regulated emotional state which, in turn, makes it easier to stay calm and emotionally regulated.

• Setting Goals: Setting small, achievable goals can help us regain a sense of agency and control over our lives. I know from my own experience that it can be overwhelming to even set a goal so don’t be hard on yourself. Just choose one goal, any goal. The only thing that matters is that you complete it since this is how you start building momentum and move away from apathy and despondency.

• Daily Routine: Having a daily routine that supports the achievable goals that we set for ourselves is super important. The question that should be at the front of our minds is: ‘Does my daily routine empower me to be the best version of myself?’ If not, tweak it and keep adapting it until it completely nurtures you and enables you to embody who you truly are deep down rather than the traumatised version of yourself.

• Challenging Negative Beliefs: Identifying and challenging negative beliefs about yourself can help you break free from the cycle of powerlessness and apathy. This becomes easier the more mindful you are so make sure to incorporate some form of (movement) meditation and/or mindfulness practice in your daily routine. For me, the most important step to breaking free from powerlessness was realising that religious trauma had compounded the sense of powerlessness I had from childhood trauma. While I do believe that religion can help some trauma survivors, I can’t help but feel that the concept of original is inherently problematic and disempowering.

It's important to remember that healing from trauma takes time. There may be setbacks along the way, but with patience, perseverance, and the right support, we can overcome feelings of powerlessness and apathy and reclaim their lives.

Next week, we will look at how a daily magical routine can help nurture the powerful witch that is waiting to emerge.